It may take me a little time to determine whether this push to write is obsession or higher guidance. I know I promised a weekly post, but I am driven (at least for now) to write. And so that is what I shall do. Now, to continue my story.
And Then The Heavens Opened Up
When we’re used to doing things a certain way, when our pre-loaded response patterns don’t work for the situation in which we find ourselves, it can be very stressful. This is not because of the particular set of circumstances, but more about our response to it.
I was riddled with fear. What am I going to do now? How am I going to provide for myself and my child? And then the invisible people started showing up in my living room every night. Because there is a history of mental illness in my family, I was clearly concerned about this. And I was very unnerved by the round, red circles that were appearing (then disappearing) on my body and the heat that would sometimes emanate from my joints (primarily elbows, knees, wrists and ankles). The round red circles came with heat, as well, and when the circles would appear on my front side, it felt like I had a stripe of fire up my spine. When it rose up into my head and neck, my face would get so hot and red that I looked like I’d been severely sunburned.
I did keep track of these things, and discovered there was a pattern to it all. That understanding comforted me somehow, the fact that there was a lack of randomness about it. Later, after this first wave of energy experiences had subsided and I was immersed in trying to learn more about what was happening to me, I found out that the places where the hot, red circles had appeared were where these things called ‘chakras’ were located. Most of the time, the energy surges would start in the late afternoon into the early evening, and would last for hours. Just when I would think I could not bear it any more, it would subside. It felt like my back, neck and head were on fire, and the pressure felt like I was going to explode. I had no idea what to do to make it stop, so I just suffered through it.
It felt to me like when a person goes to the gym to work out in order to build their strength up. I was getting a workout of my energy system, I guessed. The discomfort was actually pretty painful sometimes, and for about a year or so I could not be in groups because I would ‘power up’, and just sit there raging hot and almost sweating and not be able to do anything to stop it. (I still don’t know why this happened, the powering up sensation in group situations, and if there is anyone out there that could give me some understanding about this, I would appreciate it.) I avoided gatherings of any sort for quite awhile.
When all of the physical things started, I wasn’t too bothered. Though I was scared about how I was going to survive, I also noticed I had a weirdly (and what I thought at the time) inappropriate feeling of relief that seemed to dominate my emotional landscape. When the invisible people showed up, however, that was another thing entirely. They would come mostly in the late evening or early morning hours, and would interact with me until almost daylight. I would get my child up and ready for school, then would go to bed exhausted and sleep for hours until it was time to pick her up in the afternoon.
By this point, I had come to the conclusion that something was definitely up, but still didn’t have a clue what. The extent of my spiritual/metaphysical knowledge was the reading of the autobiography of Jeanne Dixon and the story of Edgar Cayce when I was in middle school, and I had discovered in my early 20s that if I listened long enough to someone talk, I would start to just ‘know’ things about them. (I was so asleep at this time, I didn’t even recognize that as the beginnings of my intuitive abilities coming online.)
I must add here that as a child, I had had a few out-of-the-ordinary experiences but because of what I witnessed happening to my family member, I shut down that part of my brain somehow. I believe it was through sheer force of will, and a desire to not be taken from my home (dysfunctional and broken as it was) that I was able to close that door. And yes, I’ll detail some of those in another post. I understand quite clearly now that what happened to me starting in late 1989 was the throwing open of that selfsame door. Because it was time. Because it was my destiny.
In keeping with my promise to write shorter installments, this story will be continued next time. See you then.
The path you take is made by walking it.
All original material posted to this site is copyright 2012, Julie Marie. All rights reserved.