It has been a time of intense testing and clearing for me, and this particular phase has lasted longer than any other I’ve experienced since my awakening. The Fall of 2012 ushered in this transition. At the time, I thought it would be a couple of weeks and all would be back on track. Nope.
As 2012 drew to a close, the temperature kept rising, and the pressure continued to build. I had to remember to remind myself that we are never given a burden heavier than we can carry. At least that’s what I’ve heard. Things and people I thought were stable fixtures in my life proved otherwise, and that knocked me back quite a ways. I even began to doubt that Spirit was there for me. Shouting into the vast blackness of isolation, only my voice echoed back at me, and I began to feel adrift on a sunless sea.
No matter what I tried, and I have shared a lot of those attempts here, nothing seemed to be working. The only thing I could do was wait for guidance, and continue to prepare for whatever was in store for me next.
I chose to talk about this part of my journey for a selfish reason: Over the years, I have heard from more than one person that they really admired me, and how I (seemed) to have an easier time of things because I could follow Spirit so well, that when I heard guidance, I took action.
Hopefully by sharing this part of my story, I can shift that perspective. I am, like everyone else, currently wearing a meat suit, thoroughly human sometimes.
I knew I was really in the field of doubt when I actually heard one of my more perceptive students say to me the exact words I always tell others: that I would know what I needed to know when I needed to know it, and not a moment sooner, and therefore I needed to relax and trust the process. Well, to argue that point would be to argue with myself, and that is a serious waste of time and energy.
Just within the past couple of days, I have begun to sense, and sometimes even get glimpses of, the Light at the end of the proverbial tunnel. I can feel a lifting of the leaden energy that was dragging me down. Things are beginning to lighten up. I feel I have more concrete direction, and will know more about that soon.
What have I learned from this experience? A lot.
Mike Pearson said it best when he commented that “the Universe has billions of ways to keep us humble and fascinated at the same time.” When you commit to living a Spirit-guided life, your life itself becomes the learning tool God uses to build your Soul-strength.
I learned that the further down the spiritual path one travels, the more intense the testing is when one is ready to expand one’s spiritual awareness. Once we get comfortable with the level of challenge in our lives, and we are competent at dealing with it; things shift and we are then challenged to go beyond our self-imposed limits. For those who want to live this life, be informed. It is not an easy path to travel, but it has incredible rewards.
I learned that there are people who are constants in my life, despite the fact that we are only sporadically connected. These people continue to call in just to check in with me, and for that I am so grateful. There is no agenda, no motive other than to find out how I am doing. I need to tend those relationships more, and not worry about the rest.
I need to restructure my view of what I am able to do without. Some things I felt ‘bad’ about are really not worth the negativity, and so I will continue to work on shifting that perspective.
I am aware now that circumstances still tend to rule my mood, which means I am still too invested in the ego-level of my human experience. Well. More work to do. Thank you, Spirit.
I am so blessed to have the presence of my unseen companions with me every day, every hour. Always, in all ways, they are there for me, gently encouraging and comforting when needed. I followed a faint nudging the other day, and I will soon know if it will bear fruit. Whether it does or not, I am grateful for having been given the push, because it was what I needed to lift the dark pall that has clouded my vision of late.
We will be told what we need to know when we need to know it. We just have to keep asking for guidance, and looking for the answer. It will always be there. This lesson in faith was tougher than others I’ve had, but I have the sense it is almost done.
Perseverance does pay. The most important thing about getting knocked down is finding the strength to get up again, no matter how unsteady your footing is. Someone will be there to prop you up.
Here comes the sun again, and I welcome the warmth.
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