It’s a brisk morning in the Midwest, and I’m in the mood to write. I’ve been thinking a lot lately about the last couple of years of this journey of mine, and have been reflecting on how – despite the fact that I understand intellectually that I need to move with the flow of Spirit, in Spirit’s timing for things – I sometimes have a tendency to try to push the river.
In other words, I want to make things happen according to my timetable, or manifest in a way that I perceive they should. I have had some singularly difficult lessons in this area in the past year or so. I kept trying to push the river until the river pushed back so hard I had to let go and surrender to the flow, the natural, Spirit-intended order of things for my life. Granted, it got to the point where I was feeling like I was standing in the middle of the smoking ruins of what I thought was to be my new, exciting life of working for Spirit and I was very confused.
What the he– just happened here? I thought I was ‘finally’ on the ‘right track’ and headed for my promised land of working with a group of like-minded people to bring “Light, Love and Understanding” to the masses. Wrong. Oh, boy, was I wrong!
After that Illusion blew up in my face, I retreated inside myself to lick my wounds and wait. I didn’t have to wait too long. The doorway had been opened, and (at the time) I didn’t even realize it. I will admit I still have some reservations as to whether this is actually the path Spirit has intended for me, but I am certain that this time I have not done anything to ‘make it happen”, so I am cautiously optimistic.
I took my own advice – the advice I give others all the time – and have been taking the time to really watch for the signs that I am headed in the right direction. Here are the signals I am where I need to be at least for now.
People seem to be interested in, or at least curious about, who I am and what I have to offer. I am experiencing ease and grace here as things appear to be unfolding naturally one after the other. In the city I lived in before, I tried every way I knew of to help people find me without much luck. In fact, it often felt like I was coming up against a wall. I spent a lot of time and energy trying to determine whether I was seeing, externally, my own inner obstacles or whether it was something else.
External events finally forced me to give up on the efforts. That’s when the house I was living in went back on the market for sale, and I was suddenly seeking shelter elsewhere. I have been putting one foot in front of the other here and have been following my inner guidance, and have been watching for the results as that is how I have learned to gage whether I am following Spirit’s guidance or my own mind’s meanderings.
Here are some of the signs I have seen that lead me to believe I am not pushing the river this time:I have met some wonderful people here, and look forward to getting to know some of them better. I feel a kinship with some of them that has been sorely missed in my life for many years now, and I didn’t even realize it because I’ve been doing without it for so long I’d gotten used to the lack.
I am getting good response to the proposals for classes and other events.
I now have the opportunity to serve in a local metaphysical store (Mystic Valley, for all of you in the greater St. Louis area).
Now if I can just get the house thing straight…
Overall, though I do know one thing for certain: I am where I am supposed to be because here is where I am. This also held true for the other places I was, and the people I was with, over the past year (and beyond, for there are lessons to be learned in every encounter especially if we are looking for them). We just need to be willing to keep following where the road leads – or appears to lead – us, and we will (eventually, if we don’t give up on ourselves) end up exactly where we are meant to be.
The moral of this story is simple: when it feels like you are going against the grain, it’s likely you are. That is the time to stop and ask to be shown what you need to be doing instead of continuing to push ahead. I learned this one the hard way. I hope that, by sharing my experience with you, you can get it without having to experience the pain and disappointment (with self) that can come when you are not living according to Spirit’s plan for your life.
Now go have a glorious day. I know I will.
All original material posted to this site is (c)2013, Julie Marie. All rights reserved.
Photo credits: Wikipedia